


Bananas and Evil Goldfish

by RiddlePanda



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol, College, Drunk Sex, M/M, They're like 22 or so in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiddlePanda/pseuds/RiddlePanda
Summary: Kyle hated bananas.So he was constantly questioning himself to WHY he kept drinking the shitty banana wine that somehow made it in the mini-fridge in Stan’s and his shared dorm room.





	Bananas and Evil Goldfish

Kyle hated bananas.

With a burning passion.

Bananas were evil.

Devil incarnate.

As much as he hated to admit it, he’d rather spend an entire week trapped in a room with Cartman than eat a banana.

So he was constantly questioning himself to **WHY** he kept drinking the shitty banana wine that somehow made it in the mini-fridge in Stan’s and his shared dorm room.

It was gross and fruity and tasted **WAY** too much like artificial banana that wasn’t really banana. Kyle couldn’t even understand just why it was so… ** _YELLOW_**. Was this actually pee? Was he actually drinking pee?

He could have said no. He could have just told Stan to drink the alcohol himself, but knowing Stan Marsh since forever, the guy would have drank the entire bottle.

Stan knew his limits, having been forced to take up the vice when he turned ten, but vowed not to be his father drunk. Stan stuck to the vow, only safely getting wasted in a controlled environment, like their dorm room, where Kyle or any of Stan’s more responsible friends could keep an eye on him.

Kyle suspected that had something to do with Randy Marsh refusing to leave for two weeks after dropping the two off for college, making a fool and legend of himself at at least a dozen parties.

The redhead tipped back the bottle, grimacing at the taste of the disgusting concoction. It wasn’t like he didn’t like alcohol. He liked it just fine, wines mainly. Not made of bananas obviously.

Who the fuck decided it was a good idea to fucking ferment bananas?

Their kisses were gonna smell like this. Their skin when they decided to make hickeys would absorb this horrible flavor. He was gonna end up sucking Stan’s dick and only taste banana and probably gag because he would think he was deep-throating a banana.

Kyle hated bananas.

—————————-

They had been reminiscing about their childhood due to a project Kyle had to do in one of his classes. Stan had pulled out the bottle and the two laid out on Stan’s bed, cuddling and drinking literal banana cum in a bottle.

Kyle remembered talking about Stan’s evil goldfish. He also remembered something warm and slimy wriggle around in his ass. He groaned as he opened his eyes, turning over to stare at Stan, poking him on the cheek.

“Ugh…your fucking evil goldfish killed my ass last night.”

“Uh…that wasn’t my goldfish. But I guess you could call it that if you want.”

Two things ran through Kyle’s mind at that moment. Stan hadn’t **HAD** a goldfish in nearly twelve years. And they had drunkenly fucked in Stan’s bed after drinking satanic banana piss.

The alarm went off.

Kyle raised up, groaning at the sudden headache. Gritting his teeth, the redhead got out of bed and rushed to put clothes on, nearly gagging as he gave Stan a kiss before running out the door.

————————–

Wendy snorted as she handed Kyle some pain killers and one of the spare water bottles she carried.

“It’s not funny. It was gross.”

“Then why’d you keep drinking it?”

Kyle groaned as he chewed on the breath mints he kept in his backpack. “I accused Stan of putting his evil goldfish in my ass.”

Wendy snorted again. “Is **THAT** what you’re calling it now?”

If Kyle had the energy, he would have flipped off the girl. “No wonder I love you Wendy. You have the same humor Stan does.”

Wendy shrugged. “Well, you don’t date a guy for most of your childhood without rubbing off on each other. So…why are you making a big deal out of this?”

“Because I fucking hate bananas.”

“So it’s the bananas’ fault that you drank shitty banana wine and drunkenly made out with your boyfriend, who then proceeded to stick his “evil goldfish” in your ass?”

“Yes.”

“You are **SO** adorable Kyle. You know that?”

——————————

He didn’t care that he was out by a hundred bucks for the rush job. All that mattered was the new poster that adorned the wall.

A banana and a bottle of generic looking wine with a giant red crossout circle on top. **NO BANANAS** in huge letters adorned the top. Of course it was Comic Sans. Kyle liked Comic Sans. At least better than shitty evil bananas.

He washed their clothes and Stan’s bedding twice to rid their room of the smell. Sickly sweet and nauseating. Never again. Never never again.

There were other fruity as fuck wines out there that they could drink and fuck afterward. They had _**VARIETY**_. Never again with the fetid banana sewage that was banana wine. Never again.

Kyle hated bananas.

**Author's Note:**

> Scream at me: riddlepanda.tumblr.com


End file.
